Ritz Crackers and Hello, Kitty!

Sometimes, I think : 'I should write a book'

...and then sometimes, I think:

'no, you don't have enough education or life experience or connections to actually write a book.'

Of course, I can write here, in this blog, over and over...and you can read it--or not! Enough of the 'random thoughts' for this evening.

This week we are beginning week 7 of GriefShare. This is a ministry group that my husband and I facilitate together. This fall, we began our third 13-week session. I've written specific details of how GriefShare works in previous posts to this blog. While it is underwritten by our church, it is open to the public, and you don't have to attend our church to participate.

My hope has always been, since moment one, that God would use our grief experience to further His Kingdom, and bring glory back to Himself. That Satan would not have any sort of victory because of this experience in our lives.

I was talking to a friend earlier today who had suffered the loss of a loved one over 6 years ago. My friend has repeatedly told me they grieved this loss 'back then'. and felt nothing now. Today, however, would have been this loved one's birthday, and my friend was surprised by feelings of overwhelming sorrow...to the point of asking me if this reaction to a birthday was 'normal.'

The truth is: there's nothing 'normal' about grief. And, it's all normal...we all do it differently. There are healthy and unhealthy ways to cope while going through grief.

Grief is not something we ever want to experience, but the reality is: if we 'love'...then we will grieve when we lose the one(s) we love. I don't want any one I know to belong to the 'club' that my husband & I belong to as 'those that have buried their children'.

However, the reality is: it happens. I can remember in the deepest of our sorrow thinking, "I want to do this right; I want to learn what ever I'm supposed to from this." I wanted to learn all I could about God...and His provision and His comfort and strength and how to praise His Name in the midst of it all.

Actually, what I wanted to write here tonight isn't even coming out on these keys, because as I consider the words I'd have to use, I'm just not certain that I can even type them. So, stick with me, perhaps it'll come out in another 'post' in the near future...

And so, with that in mind, I'll just say this: Grief presents a mysterious and very unpredictable set of emotions.

Anger. Bitterness. Guilt.

Sadness. Loneliness.

Loss. Despair. Hopelessness. Emptiness.

Anxiousness.

All at the same time sometimes.

--Waves of emotion can wash over us at the most unexpected times. And, unless we are prepared, we don't always link what we're feeling back to our loss. As with my good good friend, it's been so long ago that it was hard to put that together. If we don't identify what we're feeling and face it, working through it in a healthy way, we will 'stuff our emotions,' which is unhealthy, and leads to all kinds of really bad things.

From my experience: Months after losing Macy. In Wal-Mart...I lost it in front of the Ritz crackers. More than once in her life, I'd put box I was buying next to her on the seat of the cart and let her help herself, while we shopped.

Hard moment.

I just cried. Smiled through the tears. Then...bought a box to honor her memory and walked on through the store.

Her birthday is the day I buy myself something 'Hello Kitty' each year. One time it was a journal...once it was toothpaste that tastes like bubble gum (she would've loved that!)...a dear friend once gave me a PEZ dispenser! These are things that make me smile...help me face the reality that she truly was here, and it's OK for me to miss her.

But, above all, to actually feel the emotions I'm feeling, and deal with them in positive, constructive ways. Catch that: not everything I feel in this part of my life is 'great and rosy' sometimes I'm sad and well, just sad. My friend, Do NOT be afraid to feel what you're feeling. Too many numb it. DON'T. There is life during and after our tears of sorrow.

And, thankfully, we live in an era where tissue is easy to come by...

of course, shirt sleeves work, too!--:D