Why Did I Say That? --why did i do that?

Do you ever have those times when you think 'it' to death?  When you are having a conversation with someone, anyone that matters in your life, and come away and ask yourself those questions?  I will most likely finish this post and think, why didn't I write something more profound?  There's a lot of words out there that you could be reading.  And, I do not take for granted the fact that you are reading these, I want them to matter to you...for you to somehow be encouraged by me--by the fact that I am a real person, with real problems and happenings, and real joys and sorrows!

I am writing this from my dorm room desk.  Hilarious for me, yet so sobering, to consider how life truly works.  I have always told my husband that 'there is a degree in me someplace'...beyond the Associates degree I received just before we married.  And, now that I am older, wiser and very mature (that's funny to consider, isn't it?), I am able to put together what it is that I'd really like to "do" with this life I've been blessed to live.  Schooling for me is one of those things that amplifies the fact that God truly loves us enough to give us the desires of our hearts!  Remember?  Psalm 37:4 says, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." 

Which explains the answer to my question last night of "Why did I do that?"  When I arrived in Redding yesterday afternoon, I went directly to the Dean's house, as it was a gathering of Tozer students--for food and fellowship.  As I have formed very significant relationships with some of the students and faculty, I wanted to be there.  But, as they hugged and welcomed me, offering food and a place to sit, I became overwhelmed....to the point of tears. 

And, I wept.  Tears...lots of them.  My sweet friend Jenny asked if it was because I was tired.  Yes, sometimes I cry when I am tired.  But at that moment, I didn't feel tired...I just felt this overwhelming sense of how truly blessed I am to be here.  Feeling very loved, and very blessed and knowing that this experience is truly from the hand of God, took my breath away.  The Dean, Dr. Sumner, who I can also call my friend, just sat with me, prayed and talked for a while.  Who does that?  You know exactly who does that...a person who truly cares and loves.

What I am saying is, this tells about the community of this place, called A.W. Tozer Theological Seminary.  A place of true Christian community, within the students, and within the faculty and staff.  Not perfect, I know that, because we are all human.  However, this is my fourth trip to this place, this oasis, this source of refreshment and each trip, I am always amazed by how this community treats each other.  There is honor, there is laughter, there are sometimes tears, and the thing that is missing is fear about sharing true, real life hard questions and struggles. 

That, though, isn't the focus...the focus is loving Christ seeing God exulted above all else.  I am here only because God opened door after door in my life to bring me to this place.  That is the only way to explain it...as this schooling would never have been on my 'radar' back in my youth when educational decisions were being made for my future...yet God, the God of Creation, the One who loves me most.....saw me then, allowed hurt, pain, suffering, joy, laughter, relationships, and all the other things that make a life, to simmer together to give me unique experiences and opportunities to bring me to this moment.

This moment, where I am learning and growing, and experiencing dorm life!  But, pursuing that degree--just one, of the 'desires of my heart.'  Just one.  But, look at all the details that have to be in place for that 'desire' to be fulfilled.  And, God is providing every one! 

Now, the other question...Why did I say that?  I said all this to let you know, and to repeat to myself:  If God will do this, bless my life in this way, He will do the same for you!  Delight yourself in Him...His word, His teaching, in His presence alone!  Trusting Him with the details is crucial.  He loves us that much! 

Because His love is perfect, that is why there is no room in kingdom work for jealousy or favoritism among us.  We each have unique characteristics, gifts and abilities...where I am weak in one area, another person can fill in the gaps...we just have to allow each other to express our gifts, abilities, and know our own weaknesses, so we will recognize strengths in others...celebrate the strengths in those around you...tell them thank you...tell them you love them...serve them, honor and respect them...but DO NOT BE jealous, or envious of them...do not slander them, just because they might be doing what you think you've been called to do...it may not be your 'time' yet...and remember...God sees you....He knows when YOUR time is right! And, He's got the details...so stop worrying!