It was a good week end in the Bishop home. We rested some, worked some, we explored our "new" town, met a couple of our neighbors, went to church together, and cooked together--but mostly, we talked and laughed together. Some of these things happened with all ten of us, some with only six of us, and then there were times for only four of us...but, for me, the most precious time was the time that was just Randy and me.
I suppose that I should preface what I'm going to say with the fact that we went to a movie together yesterday afternoon. The movie is new at the box office, it's called, "Hope Springs." Three of my favorite 'stars' joined together to make this movie: Meryl Streep, Tommy Lee Jones & Steve Carell. These can be extremely funny people, they did a decent job but the subject matter was delicate, to say the least, for I have met so many people are exactly where the characters, "Kay and Arnold," found themselves. -And, judging from the make up of the audience....I would say the producers were 'spot on'!
Randy & I took the girls to church yesterday morning, and they decided that they wanted to try the high school Sunday school class for their age group. When asked what they studied, they told us it was all about the subject of divorce, and how it affects them. (out of twenty kids in the class, only four families had original parents) Although divorce is not the subject of this post, marriage IS. And, in order to be divorced, you must have been married....marriage.
I do not pretend to have this subject mastered, and I would say that we have made our share of mistakes in our relationship. However, I know what I have observed, and what I live. More times than I can remember, Randy & I have been to dinner and while eating, we observe others around us. Used to, couples would just be sitting there, not even talking to each other...staring at their food, or at the table cloth...or 'out in to space'...but now, that exercise has been replaced with their cell phones...they are either both texting someone else, or playing a game, or who knows what, but there is still no communication between the couple. And so, I say, is it any wonder that there are so many unhappy people around? Closed off from each other, locked in their own space, with their own interests....Just this past week end, we were eating in a restaurant with all our kids. I observed a young woman, she looked beautiful, enjoying herself. I asked my girls who she was with, her dining companion was not in my line of vision and for her body language definitely said she was NOT with her husband--a boy friend maybe, or a best friend....I was correct--it was a good friend. OBVIOUSLY NONE of my business...but you must admit, an interesting observation...
I want to add that being married isn't really about 'your happiness'...Randy and I love each other very much, we have been together for a little over thirty-four years...and 'happy' wasn't always how we felt, in fact there was some long periods of sadness in there...(that happened when we buried our three year old, and his parents within an eighteen month span)...if we had gotten divorced every time we felt unhappy, we would have never made it through the first year. It was more about being committed to each other, and the life we were trying to build for our family. It became more about communicating and knowing why we were 'unhappy'...because sometimes 'unhappiness' has nothing to do with the other person...it has to do with circumstances that neither can control.
Keeping our marriage alive is about our relationship, about communicating and about striving to truly enjoy the other person's presence. Our culture is so 'me' oriented, that it is easy to cultivate a whole portion of our lives that have nothing to do with our spouses. Then, months or years later decide you have nothing in common...because you've been too busy with your own interests. Do not misunderstand, we are individuals, and we do have separate interests, but it is of utmost importance that we make time to connect our interests to each other...and spend time laughing, crying, joking and talking about things that are common to both of us.
I am not the most eloquent when it comes to putting this next paragraph in to words, but this relationship I have with Randy is precious to me. I have to decide every single day that it is a priority. I have had, in the distant past, to ask God to help me, to actually restore my love for him...and because He is faithful, He did...
Our marriage relationship is very personal. private and precious, so there are many things I will not share in such a public forum as this blog post. However, I have concern that others do not share in their marriages out of fear. For that reason, I want to encourage you, if you are married, to replace the fear you have about your spouse with trust. Do not waste time being afraid to tell your spouse how you feel about things.
The other thing I want to say is that God designed marriage...He is Tri-une, modeling relationship between 'Father, Son and Holy Spirit'. Three in one, loving, living and modeling community. This is a model for the marriage relationship...mutual respect, love, submission...by asking God to be the leader of our home and our marriage...us individually and together seeking God's best of ourselves, each other and our family...seeking to Honor God, and bring glory to His Name because of our relationship...that's it.
Go read Psalm 51...I especially love the words "Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me."
Somehow, those words resonate with me, even when I am talking about my marriage. I want a pure heart toward Randy, I want to be with him as much as I can...but more than that, I want a pure heart toward God, and I want His presence more than the air I breathe...for without it, I am nothing.
I wanted to share this with you, as well, for somehow, it spoke to my heart concerning my marriage...maybe it will yours, too!
This was my scripture this morning, turn to it in your Bible...but I will close with this:
Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person--such a man is an isolator--has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ, and of God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God's wrath comes on those who are disobedient. Therefore do not be partners with them. Ephesians 5:1-7
Be aware of how you are interacting with your spouse...for others are watching you. Put away your cell phone, when you are eating together, engage in conversation..don't be afraid to laugh and enjoy each other...life is way too short to waste it by not having fun together, truly laughing and talking together. If you don't know how to do this anymore...then ask God to renew your love, and give you creative ways to communicate with each other...just sayin'!
1 comment:
Beautiful post and I needed to hear it. Thanks for sharing!
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