One More Mother's Day...

One more year.  Yes, one more year I have made it through Mother's Day.  That is a strange thing to say, you might be thinking, but trust me when I say--there have been some years that I did not think I could make it--the pain was too fresh.  Have you ever been there?  I am here to tell you that there is hope for new and brighter days--it's sort of like being in a place that is darkest just before the dawn...the pain will lessen--but cherish the memories, please.

For me, this past Mother's Day was delightful.  We were able to see our family for the noon meal...and laugh and eat and talk together.  (--sort of, the venue was pretty crowed and the tables that we got to sit in were round instead of rectangle--so we were sort of spread out, but it worked out just fine). 

One of my favorite things on Mother's Day is the cards, for they are always sweet...the girls do a pretty good job of writing what they are feeling at the moment--which always makes me tear up...and then we take pictures...of me with our girls, then the whole family together. 

For many years, in the 1980's and then through the beginning of the 1990's we would share the noon meal with my Grandma Sisk.  That gathering would usually include all the 'Sisk' cousins--of which none of them ever carried the last name of Sisk--and there were always babies to cuddle, and Grandma to make laugh.  Making Virginia laugh was never a difficult task--for she dearly loved life and loved to laugh.  She was really good at it, too!

Then, as our family transitioned from a small family to a LARGE family, we opted not to travel so much on this day, rather staying close to home.   Within eight years, the holiday became a bitter reminder for me of what was not to be.  When we sent Macy to Heaven, the day instantly became a symbol of frustration for what my life would never be again.  In some sort of twisted way, I felt like I had failed at mothering--because we were walking around with this hole in our family, for the one that was no longer here with us. 

Please do not mis-understand.  I love our family so much...and every moment we are together I cherish...so the line between selfishness and nostalgia sometimes can gets murky.  For several years after our loss, I did not want to do anything to celebrate that day, truly I wanted to just skip it, for I simply did not feel very festive--and I did not feel worthy of any kind of 'honor' that the day is designed to offer.  I did try, though, on some level to join in but the day would begin and end with tears. 

This lasted for several years--and then one year, I decided to begin preparing for the day in advance.  I took to task to remember appropriately what a special gift we have been given in each of our children and grandchildren.  Each one needs to be celebrated and each one needs to understand how very much they mean to me.  The Truth is, I will be given all of eternity to celebrate with Macy.  And, while there is breath in my lungs I have a responsibility to celebrate those that are here with us now in a way that will be enjoyable and bring honor to Our God.

For the years ahead, I will strive to cherish the memories of all the Mother's Days I have lived.  I shared above about my Grandma.  What you may not realize is that she died on Thanksgiving Day 1991...and to this day, I do not go to a good place to eat without thinking of her--for not only did she enjoy laughing--she loved a good meal--and pie! 

The current Mother's Days will be fun to watch Alayna be lavished with precious hand-made gifts from her children--and the sweet words that they are prompted to write about her and to her on this day.   She is an awesome mommy and her children and her husband love to be with her.

I have much to be thankful for, and the time we have here on this earth is so short--I do not want to waste a minute feeling sad about 'what might have been'...for that is not reality! 

One last thing:  if you belong to the same "club" as me...I am sorry for your loss...but please try to approach Mother's Day with a different perspective than dread.  Please, cherish the blessing and the memory and enjoy those that are there with you now, for that is all we are assured of--right now!