I Feel Like I'm in a Time Warp...

Life continues, doesn’t it?  Time ‘marches on’ and we continue, just as before—or—do we?  When we lose someone dear to us, it seems we are immediately thrown into a time warp.  In this place there is a portion of time that seems to be suspended, sort of like a holding pattern—until we figure it out, our head stops swimming with details and the reality of the loss begins to seem real. 

Honestly, at this point, my head is swimming with memories, details for the funeral, topics to cover in my ‘next conversation’ with my sister, my daughters, husband, mom or my aunt.  At this point, I’m not moving very fast—more like slow motion—it could be because there is about 15” of snow in our yard—or not.  I think it is just that I feel sad— and I seem to be easily agitated—but I can’t put my finger on the exact reason for either, except that this is a time of grief.  I haven’t identified my ‘starting point’ with it yet, but I think that the funeral will make it all ‘real.’ 

When we grieve, it is a time to process, memories, thoughts, feelings, hopes and dreams.  Loss is a part of life, that is not news…but how we each do it is unique because of the relationship that has been lost.  When someone we love dies, we are left with secondary losses that take time to identify and deal with.  There is a void where there was once conversation—or phone calls for giving and receiving advice—or, you can fill in a blank for the loss of experiences shared with the loved one that is now gone. 

For certain, as we grieve we should be intentional about finding and only believing the Truth about our loss.  For example, God didn’t ‘pick grandma’ for His bouquet…He didn’t take her to be an angel in Heaven—He didn’t take her at all—in fact, He welcomed her!  She died because her earthly body was worn out—it was her time.  And, if you are a human being and you are reading this post, chances are pretty close to 100% that you will die someday, too.  (And so will I)  So, get ready and do not fear it!  Embrace the fact, and live each day like it’s your last—but do not believe for one second that you will someday be an ‘angel’ in Heaven…for God already has all those positions filled, with the angels He created as angels, long ago. 

And, today—Grandma is enjoying the rest of eternity in her new body—a body that will never, ever wear out!  When I consider this, these facts, I somehow don’t feel sad anymore.  In fact, I feel thankful—very encouraged, for contemplating Heaven and eternity with Jesus will certainly encourage you! 

I've got some more contemplating to do,--come on, just sing with me:    I can only imagine…hmm hmmmm…Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel?  Will I dance for You, Jesus, or in awe of you be still? Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall? Will I sing hallelujah; will I be able to speak at all?