Good-Bye Grandma...I will Always LOVE YOU!

Today is the day that I have long anticipated.  Today, December 30, 2012, my Grandma AnnaBelle Griswold’s faith became sight.  I am reminded, as I contemplate her life, of her faith.  Her faith was strong in the worst of times, and in the best of times.  She loved her church—the relationships with God’s people and the preaching she loved to hear each week.  I can remember in the early 1970’s when she got her first “Living Bible,” for when she would read it, she would relate that “it made the whole Old Testament seem like reading a lovely story book!”—I can actually still here those words in her voice. 

Grandma was the one person in the world that I always knew loved me.  There was never a doubt, for we had a bond that transcended miles and time.  We always spoke quite frankly to each other—I truly could ask her anything and she would give me an honest and from the heart answer.  I have described her many times in other posts; however, I cannot do justice to her memory here, for it isn’t formal reporting, so much as me randomly writing memories down.

Mostly what I would like to say today is that because I love her so very much, there will now be a time of grief.  The thing is, up until we lost Macy Jo, I could not picture my life without grandma’s influence.    When Macy’s accident happened Grandma & Grandpa came and spent the bigger part of a month with my family and me.    During those first days without Macy, I came to a realization that I could still breathe in and out without her.  As I reasoned and thought through all of those emotions, I reasoned that at some point, others whom mean so very much to me will one day die…

I came to a conclusion, since I was still breathing without our little daughter, that God would not allow anyone to be taken from this earthly life through death that I could not ‘live without’… even though the living looks different, or painful for a time—but not impossible—for the joy of the Lord is my strength, (Nehemiah 8:10) and “I lift my eyes to the hills, from where does my help come—My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and Earth!” (Psalm 121)          

I wrote many journals and little essays during the darkest days following Macy’s accident.  A couple of years later, as my grandpa’s health declined, I began a grief journal because I knew it wouldn’t be long before ‘Grand-dad went away’—Grandma’s words the day she called to tell me that he had passed.  Today it was the voice of my sweet aunt calling to tell me of Grandma’s death this morning. 

I praise God for her life, for blessing her so richly while she was here, for the example of her life, wisdom and faith that she so easily shared with me throughout my entire life.  She had recently celebrated her ninetieth birthday—a good, long life.  Her love for her family was always evident—for her brothers, sisters, their spouses and children, her own children and grandchildren—she always liked ‘having her bunch around her’—that love she had for her family was inspiring.  The love she and my grandpa shared as a married couple was also inspiring.  They were married for a little over sixty-eight years—truly a sweet love story. 

And so for today, I am sad that this day has come, but I know where Grandma is—and I praise God for that assurance!  I love considering the HUGE family reunion she is enjoying tonight in Heaven—sing with me:  I Can Only Imagine! 

 

Unpredictable--Childbirth and Weather!

Beautiful, just beautiful.  Yes, the view this morning outside our windows--breathtakingly beautiful.  There is gorgeous snow covering everything.  It looks to be about five inches deep at this point and it is still falling!

Christmas 'day' is finished.  The Christmas Story has been read and enjoyed and contemplated and discussed.  Gifts have been given and received. Christmases 'past' have been remembered, and either laughed about, or cried over.  The food has been prepared and consumed.  Christmas movies have been watched. Christmas music and decorations have been thoroughly enjoyed this season.  The winter storm advisory says we should not travel today, for the storm will continue through this evening.  This gives a perfect opportunity to take down the decorations, put away the 'new' stuff, and catch up on our laundry--and stay in side the house. 

Before daylight this morning, I saw flashes of lightening.  Really?  They apparently have lightening during a snow storms in Indiana!  Certainly the word unpredictable could be used to describe this kind of weather--and simultaneously wonder if rain and ice would soon accompany the falling snow.  I only consult the weather channel if I'm planning a trip, or an outdoor activity--always keeping in mind that there is an element of risk in trusting any forecast--for weather is unpredictable. 

The changing seasons are a wonder to consider and behold, as part of nature, or creation.  The changing, and unpredictability of the weather gives opportunity to be afraid.  Afraid of power outages or frozen pipes, destruction of property, or loss of life.  Think about hurricanes Sandy or Katrina, or the tornadoes that take devastated Joplin, MO or Harrisburg, IL or other city blocks, and entire small towns.  (Just this morning, we hear about tornadoes in Mobile, AL)  This time of year I am reminded of the winter of 2004 that brought a tsunami to the other side of the world, killing thousands and destroying entire communities. 

The changing, and unpredictability of the weather that accompanies these seasons gives many opportunities to be in awe. A place of awe in the midst of a thunder storm, a blizzard, even a hurricane must be cultivated. Cultivating this awe must be done purposefully, for it is a sign of living a life of worship--one that worships Mighty God, the Creator, the God of the Universe.
 
We know from Scripture that all of creation, this includes weather and climate changes, was affected by the fall of mankind in to sin. (go read Genesis 3) 

The writer of the book of Romans shares, "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.  The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed.  For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of he one who subjected it, in hope, that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.  We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time."  (Rom 8:18-22)

As a mom, groanings are not uncommon during child birth.  (and--neither were strong verbal outbursts vowing 'never to do 'this' again'...if memory serves me)  Think about comparing that experience to creation, as it groans in its frustration. It was subjected to decay relating that to nature, and reactions , the comparison to creation being subjected to frustration, and its need to be liberated from decay...groaning. When we consider that severe weather is an outward sign of the frustration of creation-seeking to liberate itself from the bondage of decay, it is no longer a thing to fear but to behold.

Do not misunderstand, I am not making light of natural disasters, or trying to explain them away. I am saying, however, that they offer a place where we can see the majesty of God, and discover a place where His power is displayed.  This display comes, many times, in the stories during the aftermath. Nothing escapes His gaze and in every circumstance there is a way to bring glory & honor to Him who created us.  We must be purposeful in our quest to seek Him in these events. 

Imagine the stories that are not recorded but probably were told from first hand accounts of a boat ride with Jesus (the Reason for the Season we are in the midst of celebrating)  during a terrifying squall...

This is what was recorded, though, "As they sailed, he (Jesus) fell asleep.  A squall came down on the lake, so that the boat was being swamped, and they were in great danger.  The disciples went and woke him, saying, "Master, Master, we're going to drown!"  He go up and rebuked the wind and the raging waters; the storm subsided, and all was calm."  (Luke 8:23-24)

Knowing that God is in control, for Jesus calmed the storm, makes me want to worship Him more, giving Him praise for the beauty to be seen in the calm waters--or a gorgeous winter snow cover...even in blizzard conditions.  Seeing the lightening during a snow storm this morning brought  many questions--we can't know 'why? or what it all means?' 

We can know, however, that God is ever in control, He sees the beginning from the end, for He is the Ancient of Days.  This is not the Garden of Eden, so weather is going to be a part of our human experience on earth.

Enjoy the colors of winter, the shades of brown, grey and white just as much as the color bursts of spring--just try it!  And, Praise God for the weather's unpredictability--for that is one more opportunity to trust a Mighty God!

"Jesus was in total harmony with nature, and I am of the opinion that the deeper our Christian commitment becomes, the more likely we will find ourselves in tune and in harmony with the natural world around us!"--A.W. Tozer

It is Grey and then, Just Like THAT!

I can hear the wind blowing around the eaves of our home, and I can see the grey clouds covering the sky.  My view consists of shades of brown, lighter greens and grey--it looks really cold out there, and it sounds even colder. 

For the first time this week, this view matches many of the emotions I have as I have watched the news and listened to the stories concerning the tragedy in Newtown, CT, last Friday.  Once again, our country is faced with overwhelming grief.  Grief that touches all walks of life, for almost everyone has 'lost' someone they love.  What makes this event so much more tragic is that these are little children--innocent...some one's little lovey--or big sister--or sweet grand baby--or source of great hugs and giggles.  These were precious children, celebrated and loved by the ones who knew them best.  Now, they are celebrated by the population of the world through their stories and the pictures of their little faces that come to us through the media. 

My heart breaks for the ones left to grieve.  At the same time I cannot help but consider the side stories that culminate in this event.  Side stories that debate gun control and gun rights issues--or stories that give security gurus a place to share. Yes, guns in the hands of mentally unbalanced people is not a wise place of our society to place itself.

It is no surprise, however, mankind has been killing senselessly for thousands of years. In this, I am reminded of an ancient mad man, King Herod. For when this King realized that the wise men from the east had come to worship the King of Kings, new born baby, Jesus, he was 'disturbed.'  He eventually gave orders "to kill all the boys in Bethlehem and its vicinity who were two years old and under." And, in that moment the words of  the prophet Jeremiah were fulfilled: "A voice is heard in Ramah, weeping and great mourning, Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because they are no more." (this story is found in Mt 2)  --as long as people are 'disturbed'--there will continue to be killings that make no sense.

We weep with the community of Newtown, we mourn for the lives that were taken so brutally during this season.  Great mourning and weeping and a refusal to be comforted....because these children are no more. They are no more, here on this earth, but I think I know of a little girl that most likely helped settle them in to Heaven. 

There are those that will debate the mental health issues that our society faces.  In our fractured system, no one will win in that debate.  Medical doctors and psychiatrists are not the ones that actually diagnose and practice medicine--for ultimately, health care, especially mental health care, is a money game.  Unfortunately for our society, the ones making the treatment decisions are the insurance companies and their underwriters...who, I do not believe for one second have invested the time or intellect to medical school. 

It is easy for young people--especially 18-25 year olds to get lost in this system--especially the young people that have been housed, fed and clothed by governmental agencies for most of their lives.  THIS breaks my heart.  The current system is broken because it comes from the minds of men...very intelligent people, but perhaps have been somewhat short-sighted in thinking about the effects of their decisions on future generations--especially the decisions to do away with institutions that dealt directly with the mentally challenged in our land. 

I have written about grief in previous blog posts, speaking from my perspective and experience.  Many times when I have spoken of grief, and the comfort I have received from God's presence, those words are met with disbelief.  It is hard to imagine facing grief without it, but the reality is:  people do it every day--needlessly. 

What a season we have to enjoy those we love, remember those we have sent on to Heaven-but mostly, and do not miss this:  to enjoy the sweet presence of God. There is nothing like it, for this is where peace that surpasses understanding is found and enjoyed.  Learn to savor it, to treasure it and to seek it--prepare now, so that when you do face those darkest days of grief--or grey cold winter of the soul--you can do it with joy and peace. 

I do not wish to walk this journey of life, if His presence does not go with me.  I hope that makes sense.  God's presence, the assurance of Hope we have in Him, enable us to live a joyful life--notice I did not say 'happy' life--for happiness is a good thing, but it does not last--it is fleeting and circumstantial.  The joy of the Lord is our strength--remember? (Nehemiah 8:10)

I do not want to face any journey of grief, if God's presence is not available there--just as Moses did not want to go in to the 'Promised Land-or even the journey to get there' without God's presence.  The longest journey through grief I have ever known was in grieving our child, and each time a child dies, I remember all too well, the ache in my heart--in my arms and in my soul--for what had been, what could have been, and for what would never be, while on this earth. 

At the exact same moment, though, I am overwhelmed by this presence of God, that reassuringly calms my soul, and eases the aches in my arms.   It's like thinking about the grey colors of the sky outside our window, yet knowing and taking comfort in the fact that 'just above' the cloud  cover is a gorgeous blue sky that includes the wonder of the sunshine in the day, and star light by night!  In the midst of pain and suffering there is a place of calm and peace--truly--but seeking it must be purposeful and steady--for there are many distractions when we grieve. 

Mostly, there is a temptation to become fearful of everything...and everything--from the phone to the mail box...even a fear of setting the table, or doing the laundry.  The beginning of this kind of fear begins from believing some lie.  So, as we grieve, be careful to know the Truth, and keep yourself from believing lies.  Do not be fearful.  When you are fearful, you are not Trusting...so replace that fear with the Truth that you can find in Scripture, or from the words of a faithful friend.  Test everything, if there is trace of a lie--put it aside. For, I know this to be true, in the darkest moments in life--God is faithful...His presence is sweet--when nothing else brings comfort, calms our fears, wipes our tears, or gives us hope.

And, just like THAT, color has appeared in my view--a gorgeous male cardinal and a very proud male blue jay have appeared on our fence--to make me smile and know that I just need to 'be still--and know that God, is God!' 

Marsha OR Greg?--either way, it turned out OK

It's here!  The day I have been anticipating for the past fifteen weeks!  December 14th signals the end of my fall semester for school.  All the work has been turned in, and I feel better equipped for life and that 'thing' I'm preparing to do!

I made new friends of the authors I was blessed to have been assigned to read.  Their wisdom and stamina astound me, and I am so thankful I was pointed to their work!  The time I spent on campus was spent rekindling friendships, and forming new ones, with fellow students--really from all over the US!  I am truly thankful for this season of education in my life--I am learning to cherish the opportunity and take this gift I have been given, very seriously.

I look forward to the three coming weeks for many reasons.  This is the seasons when I begin receiving my text books through the mail--that makes each day so much fun!  This is also the season that I promised my self--but especially Randy--that I would finish unpacking our home.  Of course, this part of the unpacking will bring floods of memories, and a down pouring(s) of emotions, as this is the 'memorabila' portion of our belongings...

Over the next couple of days, however, there will be Christmas presents to wrap, and a couple of special presents to purchase.  Menus to plan, and I get to advise on the planning of a birthday gathering for the twins!

Traditionally, the week between Christmas and the New Year has been my 'nesting' time--I set goals for the coming year, plan our budget numbers, Randy begins to fashion a plan for vacation...and I formulate a diet plan. And, if you know me...you know that the last element of that sentence really doesn't make one bit of sense!  For unfortunately, my diet plan usually gets tossed by January 2. And, so this year, I have already begun to practice that grand plan, for three weeks now.  --I intend to strive to be healthy...but this post isn't about that!

Actually, come to think of it, I'm still not certain what this post IS about--except to tell who ever chooses to read this that I am tickled pink to be able to sit here, watching Morning Joe, with a hot cup of coffee, and I do not have to worry about heading out to our little library to research and write for a grade, today!

Randy and I have been watching Christmas movies-one per night--since the beginning of December.  This is so fun for us...we either laugh til we cry, or we sit and wipe tears in the "Hallmark" ones is this...cheesy?  Maybe--but he works hard every day, we exercise after he gets off work...and by the time the movie comes on, I am in need of a 'break'!  We consider "Christmas Vacation" as our favorite...of course my last name used to be Griswold...which is hilarious...'Clark'--no version of him was my dad, though! 

I remembered something funny this week.  One of my friends posted 'younger years' pictures of me recently.  My name is Marsha.  She said, "Marsha, Marsha, Marsha"...of course, you know where this comes from--yes, The Brady Bunch from the early 1970's.  Of course, I have heard this for years--I just wish I would have been as gorgeous and cool as Marcia, on that show!

Here's what I remembered, though:  My mom once told me that if I had been a 'boy baby' my name would have been Gregory Alan Griswold.  Yes, my initials would have spelled "G.A.G." for my whole life (of course, there are those that may have formulated that opinion with or without those initials for my identity) --But, I still would have been 'cool' enough to have been identified with The Brady Bunch  family names...thanks, mom!

Well, now it's time to start the day...I'm excited to see what happens on this day--this day I have looked SO forward to--it's going to be amazing!--

I'll Ask You, if No One Else Will...

Tomorrow, December 4, is going to be great day, I can tell you already! 

First, it will be my mom's birthday:  Happy Birthday, Mom! You are the best, I love that you are my mom, I shudder to think where I would be today if you were not such an example of faith and endurance for me and my family.  I love you.  May God richly Bless Your Day!

Second, I get to have dinner withsome dear friends tomorrow evening--it is going to be fun to reconnect.

Third, (and almost as important and ultimately responsible for the content of this post) I get to talk to a group of young moms of pre-school age children.  This is going to be so much fun!   

As I was preparing today, and in light of recent conversations with our girls (remember there are four of them), a fragment of a Bible verse kept creeping in to my thoughts--but I could not locate it in either I or II Samuel.

King David, who was a shepherd and a warrior, was also a dad.  Remember, he had many wives, so his life--if you are interested--sheds perspective on that 'blended family' thing.  Usually his example is completely inspiring--except this would be stretching a bit if we were to examine his parenting skills.  Lacking, could be an adjective to describe them--with at least some of his children.  Even in spite of that reality, he was called a man after God's own heart!--So, there must be lessons there--sometimes we just have to dig to find them.

If you remember--he not only had many wives, he had many children of varying ages and stages in his old age.  Rape, incest, murder, adultery...it is all there, recorded in I and II Samuel.

(Probably one of the most touching for me, because I have grieved the loss of a child, is the fact that he lost several of his children before he died.  Each time he encountered grief, we find him with torn clothes, face down before the Lord.  There are times when we grieve that we can do nothing else.  The pain is paralyzing, and just going to the feet of our Lord brings comfort, and perspective.)

I could not find the verse I was thinking of in I or II Samuel, because it is not there!  No, the event I was looking for that yielded the priceless insight for parenting, happened just before King David died. This story is written in the first chapter of I Kings.

You see, one of his sons, Adonijah, whose mother was Haggith, (we don't see these names on birth announcements much, so we?!) had pretty much crowned himself king  of Israel.  The reason that Adonijah put himself forward, and got chariots and horses ready is because "His father had never interfered with him by asking, "Why do you behave as you do?"  He was also very handsome and was born next after Absalom"  Remember?  Absalom has just died, while also making his 'run' for the throne. 

The point I'm making is this, do we ever interfere in a healthy way with our kids and ask our adult children, "Why do you behave as you do?"

Just wondering.  It seems to me that if Christian parents would interfere and ask that question, and not freak out at the answer they may receive, the world would be so much better off. 

My heart breaks when I see young people use each other up and toss each other aside--without the benefit of marriage.  These 'unions' bring about all kinds of repercussions for later years.  I have lived long enough to see much trouble, and many results from bad choices.

Consequences for choices are very real.  And, consider with me:  how much pain and suffering could be eliminated  if parents (who are definitely older than their children, thereby possess more life experience that lends itself to valuable insight to life) would stop saying things like "Oh, they are just young--they are trying to express themselves-every one of their friends is doing this."

And start saying: "No matter what you do, I'm going to love you --but could you just tell me, why do you behave, (act, make these decisions) as you do?  Why?"  And then, truly listen, offer correction with gentleness and respect.  Tell them your failure stories, not in a self-righteous way, but in a way that you explain where you went wrong, and then encourage them not to follow the same lead--but to look for something better.

Young adults:  start edifying each other; stop using each other. If you are reading this, and you don't have a parent that will ask you, then I'll ask you:  "Why do you behave as you do?" 

This weighs heavy on my heart.  It seems as though  you do not value this amazing gift you have that is your life...you do not seem to take your life very seriously--for relationships take much work, much commitment--they are so much more than sex and convenience.

Yes, I speak from many years of being married to the same man for almost 32 years.  Believe me when I say that it has not always been easy, in fact some of those years, Randy & I have been through, for lack of a better term:  Hell and back.  It is so worth the commitment, the investment, the time we have wept together--out of pain and in the midst of complete joy.  He is the sweetest man, but if we had not gone through the really really 'bad' stuff, we would never have found this newer, better, more intimate place we now enjoy in our marriage. You are not going to find that in your older years without commitment in your younger years, because that kind of intimacy takes years to cultivate--it doesn't happen just because you move in together...or like having babies or getting puppies together...

Go ahead, ask this question of your kids, grand kids, cousins, nieces and nephews...it is important...King David, apparently didn't ever ask it, had he, perhaps his children would have had different lives--just sayin'. 

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year, Really?

Yes, that is somewhat true.  Of course, it's all perspective, isn't it really?  I love this time of year, because we don't have to have an 'excuse' to watch our favorite Christmas movies--and laugh out loud, or unashamedly wipe tears away--like it's  the first time we've ever seen it!  The extra opportunity to shop is fun, too--there's always secrets and surprises, and bargains to be found...and that 'one' special thing that 'they' will love!

The house looks some how a little friendlier this time of year, as well...with the tree up, and lit--almost 24/7...wrapping paper and ribbon are strewn throughout, because every body needs to 'wrap some gift'...all this preparation....all this anticipation...all the laughter and the places to go and the things to see, or do...it is wonderful, isn't it?

It's easy to get caught up in it all, and every year, we vow we won't let the true meaning of Christmas get lost in it all...and what, just what does that look like?  As I write this, I'm trying to be all serious, and Holly & Randy are singing at the top of their lungs--hilarious!  The twins are wrapping presents, and planning their clothing choices, homework and other activities for the week.  So, just how serious do I need to be?  I think we are supposed to enjoy the season, make a real effort to 'give' this season and extend grace, love and fellowship to those we come in contact with--all the while be truly thankful for the fact that our Savior was Born--such a long time ago--but that is the reason we celebrate, for in Him we can be reconciled to God, the Creator--we can be reconciled in love to others because of the love the love of Christ.  Reconciliation.  That is  our message this season.  Merry Christmas. Celebrate.  Be Thankful.