Brithdays and Mexican Food

Birthdays, this is the month of birthdays in our family...Today would have been Macy's 12th birthday, but to her daddy & I she will always be 3...

Our family always goes to a specific Mexican place to eat and laugh together on her birthday.  Today we did not do this--for we were all together yesterday for lunch.  Today, it is really cold and rainy--a good time to stay in an contemplate life.

I have only cried once today...but I think there were more tears than that shed by others in our home--who will remain nameless, here.  However, I think tears are a really good thing--they are good for your soul and for your complexion and sometimes, even help to adjust our attitudes!

Today I am reminded of that precious little baby that we welcomed in to our home...our home that already seemed to be brimming with girls--we added one more--proving that you never 'run out of love' when you add another child to your life--the love just keeps growing for all of them--at once!

May God richly bless you for reading this blog...for praying for our family...for loving us...and mostly for giving us Hope that we can boldly proclaim:  Jesus is LORD!
For today, these words from the book of Isaiah spoke to my heart--I won't write anything after I share them--just know that they spoke to my heart--read them s l o w l y and perhaps, I'm praying, that they will speak to yours, as well...


Sing for joy, O heavens, and exult, O earth; break forth, O mountains, into singing!
For the Lord has comforted his people and will have compassion on his afflicted.
But Zion said,"The LORD has forsaken me; my Lord has forgotten me."
(Thus says the Lord...)
"Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb?
Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you.
Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me." 
Isaiah 49:13-16

Speaking of Neighbors

“With his mouth the godless destroys his neighbor, but through knowledge the righteous escape.  … A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue.” (Pr 11:9 & 12)

Who is your neighbor?  Our next door neighbor and I share the same home town in Southern Illinois.  We didn’t know each other way back then but we know a lot of the same people and share memories of ‘hometown’ traditions.  The Sunday school definition of “our neighbor” is usually along the lines of anyone we meet…everyone is our neighbor.  And, while that is true, we are closer to some of our neighbors than others, aren’t we?  Whether by distance, or by relationship, we just know some people better than we know others. 

Later this evening some of my favorite people on the planet will be visiting us—people we have known for many years, people we have shared victories and defeats with, we have been present when our babies have been born and when we have buried our loved ones.  Truly our neighbors, but the majority of them live a distance from us.  Yet, the proverbs above remind us how we are to speak of our neighbors.    

It truly matters how we speak about one another.  It is important that we spend time reconnecting and connecting the dots of our lives since we last saw each other.  It will be fun to come to a greater understanding of each other, for since the time we were last all together, many changes and challenges have happened in our lives.  My hope for this evening is that we will honor God with our conversations, as well as encourage one another. 

In conversation, the words we choose to use are important and the tone with which we use them is equally, if not more, important—isn’t it?  When we speak of others we must be mindful of what our listeners might be hearing that we are not verbalizing.  This has been a difficult lesson for me, one that I am still working on, but have not mastered—for sometimes my words take detours that they should never have taken.

These proverbs were among those I read this morning.  They screamed out to me in particular because I do not intend to speak without knowledge or from a place that lacks understanding.  However, it is easier just to speak first, and attempt damage control later, isn’t it?  At least that’s where we work from sometimes.  I know that there have been times that I have not always sought to understand before trying to be understood.  I have not always had all the knowledge I have needed to effectively speak in to a situation.  And, unfortunately, I do not know everything—I know that is hard to believe, but it is true!  One of the lessons I am trying to practice is to be slow in speaking—and that is a challenge for me, for I dearly love to speak!

For me to apply these proverbs in my life isn’t about knowing or understanding everything as much as it is about holding my tongue.  Not speaking before I have at least a greater understanding, and a deeper knowledge of the motivations/reasons that my ‘neighbors’ (loved one, friend or even strangers) do the things they do.  Without knowledge and clear understanding, we can destroy or deride the person we are speaking of…so stop talking and listen. 

And, in those words I am reminded of another proverb that says: When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.  (Proverbs 10:19) 

For today, let’s make an effort to hold our tongues, in an effort to edify our neighbor—not destroy.  When we hold our tongues, we have more time to seek understanding and knowledge—for this is wise!

BE wise. 

On Rain and Being Thankful

“Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs.  Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.”—Ephesians 5:19-20 (italics added by me)

When we are thankful, we are able to focus on something or someone other than ourselves.  When we are sad, or when we are grieving—especially when we are grieving—it is good to find a place of thankfulness for our thoughts.  When we cultivate this, it is an exercise in renewing our minds that Scripture encourages us to do…so let’s try it this morning…

Rain.  I love it—the very sound of the word is gorgeous.  Rain.  I love to listen as it hits the roof.  And rain.  This is the stuff that rapidly melts the left over snow.  And, let’s face it, a snow storm on the ground for two weeks has lost a little of its beauty.  In fact, after two weeks, most of the piles of snow have become grey and dingy.  And so, the rain is a gift to clean up the landscape, and rid our view of the grey leftover mounds!

Today, it is to rain most of the day.  That is fine with me, for I do not have to work outside.  For those of you who face that kind of day: wrap up, and put on your rain gear! 

Weather—it’s ever changing and certain, sometimes surprising, but always gorgeous in its own way.  Savor and patiently enjoy the changes—for the current situation will change soon enough.

Today, I am thankful for the view, a front row seat to see the weather changes.  I am thankful for the rain, and a roof that does not leak.  I am thankful for Madison & Mallory—who have always added their own element of surprise to our family.  They are precious to me, and in the sight of the Lord.  I am thankful for Holly Ann, for she brings her own brand of humor and excitement and places much value on a good long nap, or movie, and sometimes both at once.  I am thankful for Alayna, for she also has her own brand of humor, common sense and clear convictions for right and wrong, and is not afraid to express herself.  I am thankful for Wesley, for he is patient with all of us, he brings laughter and wisdom beyond his years to our family conversations.  The two of them together are good parents, with a conviction to make certain that their children know they are loved.  And, oh my goodness, I am thankful for those little ones—Will with his all the sudden toothless smile, Ally with her DIVA-like traits, and Anna and her all the sudden smile that contains teeth! 

And, today I am thankful for my husband, who works so very hard for us to all get along, and love each other.  He also works very hard at his job, for which we are also thankful in these economic times.  This is a man who rarely complains, and is pretty quick to find the humor in most situations…often we laugh for the most obtuse reasons, that only the two of us will understand. 

I am thankful for the school the girls are attending—and the fact that we can be there in just a few minutes.  I am thankful for vehicles that are in good working order—and thankful for my driver’s license, (for to obtain that was a labyrinth of requirements, two trips to the BMV—and much studying). 

I am thankful for the wisdom that has come to me from grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and parents who have spoken in to my life—sometimes indirectly, and sometimes in very direct ways—wisdom that helps formulate a better approach to life. 

Now, make a thankful list and then, do not be shy about telling someone that you are thankful for them, and why you are thankful for them—people need to hear good things—especially affirmation and encouragement.  Today.  Start with today.  Be encouraged.  Be Thankful.

Book Ends--Somehow, it makes Sense

The blank pages of my grief journal were filled in, yesterday.  I began that little journal a little before my grandpa died in 2007, and it will be closed with my grandma’s death, 2012.  I have not written my perspective about her life in it but I soon will.   These events are like book ends—many memories and much writing between.   

This past Saturday, (between my grandma’s funeral on Friday and our girl’s birthday party on Sunday) I packed up all our Christmas decorations from this past season.  That process had come to a complete halt due to the two feet of snow that had to be waded through to get to our shed where all the decorations are stored.  This delay was OK with me, for I dearly love Christmas decorations! 

As I began packing, I was reminded of my maternal Grandma, Virginia Sisk.  I was reminded of her because our Christmas tree was decorated in red and gold, with tassels and bows, cardinal birds and bird nests.  Virginia loved cardinals –so they were sort of in her honor.  Another part of the decorations on that tree were made way back before ‘recycle, reuse, repurpose’ was popular, by my paternal great grandma, Lucille (AnnaBelle’s mom) and me.  She loved to crochet and she loved craft projects.  One day in the middle 1970’s, she and I worked all day crocheting Christmas ornaments.  They were red and green circles—yarn crocheted around coffee can lid-rims, and then little bells attached in the center.  (I know, but they look better than that sounds—and I have the memory of working with her!)

This past Saturday, as I placed the ornaments carefully in the storage container, I was overwhelmed with a wave of emotion.  It somehow made sense all of a sudden that I would be grieving AnnaBelle as I packed up the decorations from celebrating our first Christmas in our new home, 2012.  This, too, seemed to be another type of book end to losing my grandmas.

The last time we purchased a home was in the summer of 1991.  As I unpacked Christmas decorations that year, I was grieving the loss of my sweet Grandma Sisk.  Grandma was excited to come spend Thanksgiving Day that year, at our new house, for she hadn’t been able visit since our move.  That morning my mom went to pick her up only to find that she had already left.  She was 87, still lived on her own; she had gotten dressed and then, peacefully went to Heaven—what a merciful way to go—what a shock for those of us left here without her!

As the Christmas season opened that year, I would unpack a box of decorations and cry…(I can also remember crying as I used my crock pot during those days—for that was an ‘engagement present’ she purchased for Randy & me as soon as she heard that I had an engagement ring—eleven years before!)  I was crying for my loss, not the fact that grandma was in Heaven…just that we missed her!

And so, the opening of one Christmas season, and the closing of another—twenty-one years apart…somehow, it makes sense.  For this season of my life, our life as a married couple is a season to make memories with our own grandchildren.  And, someday, they will be writing or talking, I hope, about G-Mar and Grandpa…and, I can Only Imagine!

Over Thinking Birthdays....

The answer is YES!  The birthday cake was so cute, and it was so good—for the Best Birthday EVER! 

The girls had a full, fun day with family and friends—just celebrating.  Yes, they are seventeen—those years have gone by quickly.  However, I do want them to continue to grow up, because that is what happens to our children if they are healthy and alive—they grow up!

Perhaps I would not be so sensitive to this, if I did not have a child in Heaven that will not celebrate her twelfth birthday, attend middle school, high school, a prom or graduation—from any educational institution—we will not walk her down the aisle on her wedding day.  So, parents, if you can hug your little ones right now, breathe in, enjoy the moment (for it is fleeting) and lean in to their growth—celebrate every milestone.  The alternative is that they either have health issues that prevent them from developing normally—or they have left this life as children—please do not take this for granted, value them as they are for this day!

I heard the “new week end guy” (forgive me, for I do not remember his name) on Fox News yesterday morning say something that struck me.  The three of them were having their own little “gun control” debate.  The new guy mentioned that when the Twin Towers on 9/11 were destroyed, killing 3,000, we did not demand that airplanes be outlawed or banned—for those were the weapons used in tragic event.  They all were commenting that the focus is on the weaponry instead of actually finding out the ‘reason’ that such heinous crimes are committed in the first place, basically don’t blame the weapon, investigate the motivation of the one (or ones) that take innocent lives.  Because I am simple minded, I think the short answer would be that our society has ceased to instill and uphold a value system that includes valuing human life.   

Human life is sacred, and yes, we weep and mourn when our loved ones die.  I am not talking about that –I’m talking about selectively valuing a few—this spills over to those that would brutally kill and then turn a gun on themselves (was that person ever valued?)  There are many aspects to consider about that sentence, but one keeps coming to my mind, I’ll explain why in a moment.  Consider for a moment the attitude society has cultivated since the Roe v Wade ruling concerning the value of human life. 

One of the things that ruling establishes is that we have a ‘right’ and in some cases a ‘responsibility’ to be selective about which human life we honor (from unborn babies, to the elderly—for that ruling has opened us up to think about the quality of life questions, as well) and allow to draw in breath. 

That is a dangerous road to travel, for whom do we trust to make those decisions?   Politicians and drug designers would say that it is the choice of the woman about what she does with her body.  However, her choice goes away if she abuses her little child after it is born.  It all connects, somehow—wait and see—or don’t wait—just get on your knees and pray for restoration of the value of human life. 

This issue is close to my heart because it is birthday season in the Bishop home.  The twins were born on the 6^th, Macy was born on the 13^th and Randy on the 20^th of January—a birthday celebration every week for three weeks.  These three weeks give me time to think and reflect about such things…and, the reason for this sentimental journey?   As I consider these past seventeen years, I have to remember that the girls were born on the 6^th, I am their mom, but I didn’t even know that they had entered this world until the 8^th!  They could have been aborted, but they were not…they could have gone to other parents, but they did not… 

We had been praying for the child/children to be placed in our care for at least 1-1/2 years before their birth…God certainly blessed us with them.  Four years after we welcomed them into our family, I find myself pregnant, just before I turned 39….abortion certainly was an option for me…never a consideration…

No, I felt honored that I had been given such a gift.  And, you know what?  The reaction from people as we moved from a ‘normal sized family’ to a large family…was not always pleasant, sometimes even scornful.  It is such a good thing that I really didn’t care what people considered OK, for it just doesn’t matter.   I knew that our family was blessed—truly blessed with life, and that is valuable!

I am probably over thinking this (that would not be out of the realm of possibilities) but last Friday afternoon, we buried my dear ninety year old grandma.   A woman who made you feel better about yourself just by having a conversation with her—no matter who you were to her—friend or family, stranger or not. 

I can remember Grandpa as he aged saying that the respect and concern for his well-being that he received from medical professionals lessened with each passing year—as if medical treatment was valued for those much younger, that is the impression he was left with during hospital stays and medical procedures.  There’s something wrong with this picture. 

There are those that would argue that after a certain point, elderly folks have nothing to offer our society and are a ‘drain on the resources’—of course I believe that stance will change as those who hold that view have more and more birthdays!

The insight and wisdom that can be gleaned from forming relationships with those that are elderly is invaluable.  Their perspective is priceless, but we seldom seek it out.   All life is valuable…we need to be living that out day to day.

I love it that A.W. Tozer once said, “If we are to have any satisfying and lasting understanding of life, it must be divinely given.  It begins with the confession that it is indeed the God who has revealed Himself to us who is the central pillar bearing up the universe.  Believing that, we then go on to acknowledge that we have discovered His great eternal purpose for men and women made in His own image. 

…Man as he was originally created is God’s beloved.  Man in that sense is the beloved of the universe.  God said, “I have made man in My image and man is to be above all other creatures.  Redeemed man is to be even above the angels in the heavens.  He is to enter into My presence pardoned and unashamed, to worship Me and to look on My face while the ages roll on!”  No wonder we believe that God is the only certain foundation!”

Please do not misunderstand my words here.  My hope is in the Lord…in the fact that my Lord went to the cross and bled and died and rose again to give me hope for the mis-guided decisions I have ever made, every lie I believed that caused me to sin…and that forgiveness, newness of life is available to all!  I love that about Our God…the only certain foundation for life, for valuing life, for living life…unashamed and forgiven—go live it to the full!

 

Gathered to Her People...

Was it a funeral, or was it a celebration of life?  It could be termed a memorial, burial, service or wake—but mostly, it was a time of visiting with many words spoken.  There were tears, big meaningful tears, and there was laughter.  And, there was beautiful music and singing.  There were many hugs exchanged and many “I love YOU”’s spoken. 

There was a phrase that the pastor had us repeat during the entire service.  That phrase was “Gathered to Her People.” 

And that, my dear friends and readers, is what happened during the course of time from last Sunday morning, December 30, 2012 to Friday afternoon, January 4, 2013.  My precious grandma was gathered to her people.  She was born and raised in Southern Illinois, but around her fiftieth year, things began to drastically change for her and my grandpa.  Those changes took them to a place far from Southern Illinois—West Texas.  (And, by the way, it is a very long way to west Texas from Southern Illinois—by anyone’s standard of measure!) 

The pastor reminded us that we were helping fulfill her earthly wishes—those of bringing her body back to rest nearer to her home, in a sense to be gathered to her people. For she is now buried or laid to rest in an area of the cemetery near her parents, one of her brothers, one of her sister-in-laws and right next to grandpa.  This is as it should be.  For in this life, those who meant the most to her were her family. 

My two cousins, my sister and I each spoke a few words during the eulogizing…it was good to share, poems, memories and thoughts…It was a realization for me, though, that the original branches of the “Melton Clan” are almost all gone.   Grandma was the oldest of six children…she had one sister and four brothers.  Her sister, my great Aunt Mary, is still living, and her youngest brother, Cork, is still living.  The three middle boys have all gone on before her.  Each of the six had children, and their children have had children—my grandchildren make six generations from Edo & Lucille Melton, the parents of the clan. 

There is a legacy of long life and long marriage within this clan.  Of course, we have buried loved ones too soon, and divorces have happened—but those are not the ‘norm’ for the majority of the clan has grown old together.    There is a legacy of deep love for family and country and great pride in working hard to make and honest living.    

When we gathered yesterday to honor AnnaBelle’s life, it was truly beautiful—the sun was shining and the snow had melted just enough to crunch under our feet as we trudged to the burial site.  Her flowers were gorgeous—thanks to her sweet niece, Nadine.  (one of Aunt Mary’s three daughters, who must have inherited Lucille’s green thumb, and love for all things flowers!)

It was good to see family members that I had not seen in years.  It was good to catch up with the funeral director.  I have known him and his family my whole life, but in these years, I only get to see them when we are gathering our loved ones to our people.

That realization is something that we need to face each day, for we never know when this day could be when we breathe our last.  Keep short accounts with people…do not let issues pile up—say I love you, and mean it.  Pray for each other, and mean it.  Cherish each other—and mean it.  Be passionate about the work you are doing, for it is a gift that you can even do ‘it’—whatever your gift for working is.  And, celebrate OFTEN! 

And now, I am off to plan different kind of celebration of life.  You see, seventeen years ago today,  eight Christmas trees stood still decorating our home and we had no idea the ENORMOUS change that was about to take place wtihin our family!  But, as we all know—especially if you know us personally—change is how life works…exciting, YES—terrifying, YES—but always well blessed and never, ever dull!

And, tomorrow, this branch of the Bishop clan will gather with a few close friends to celebrate the blessing of Madison and Mallory's seventeenth birthday--Bring on the Birthday cake!!!

 

I Feel Like I'm in a Time Warp...

Life continues, doesn’t it?  Time ‘marches on’ and we continue, just as before—or—do we?  When we lose someone dear to us, it seems we are immediately thrown into a time warp.  In this place there is a portion of time that seems to be suspended, sort of like a holding pattern—until we figure it out, our head stops swimming with details and the reality of the loss begins to seem real. 

Honestly, at this point, my head is swimming with memories, details for the funeral, topics to cover in my ‘next conversation’ with my sister, my daughters, husband, mom or my aunt.  At this point, I’m not moving very fast—more like slow motion—it could be because there is about 15” of snow in our yard—or not.  I think it is just that I feel sad— and I seem to be easily agitated—but I can’t put my finger on the exact reason for either, except that this is a time of grief.  I haven’t identified my ‘starting point’ with it yet, but I think that the funeral will make it all ‘real.’ 

When we grieve, it is a time to process, memories, thoughts, feelings, hopes and dreams.  Loss is a part of life, that is not news…but how we each do it is unique because of the relationship that has been lost.  When someone we love dies, we are left with secondary losses that take time to identify and deal with.  There is a void where there was once conversation—or phone calls for giving and receiving advice—or, you can fill in a blank for the loss of experiences shared with the loved one that is now gone. 

For certain, as we grieve we should be intentional about finding and only believing the Truth about our loss.  For example, God didn’t ‘pick grandma’ for His bouquet…He didn’t take her to be an angel in Heaven—He didn’t take her at all—in fact, He welcomed her!  She died because her earthly body was worn out—it was her time.  And, if you are a human being and you are reading this post, chances are pretty close to 100% that you will die someday, too.  (And so will I)  So, get ready and do not fear it!  Embrace the fact, and live each day like it’s your last—but do not believe for one second that you will someday be an ‘angel’ in Heaven…for God already has all those positions filled, with the angels He created as angels, long ago. 

And, today—Grandma is enjoying the rest of eternity in her new body—a body that will never, ever wear out!  When I consider this, these facts, I somehow don’t feel sad anymore.  In fact, I feel thankful—very encouraged, for contemplating Heaven and eternity with Jesus will certainly encourage you! 

I've got some more contemplating to do,--come on, just sing with me:    I can only imagine…hmm hmmmm…Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel?  Will I dance for You, Jesus, or in awe of you be still? Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall? Will I sing hallelujah; will I be able to speak at all?