Happy Birthday...

Nine years ago today, we quietly welcomed our fifth daughter in to the world!

She only celebrated 3 birthdays on this earth before going to Heaven. So, her birthday parties were always filled with family and cake and icing and presents...and usually ended in a sleepy, sticky mess...sweet mess, though!

I've known for a few weeks that there was no way I would be in any shape to 'start' the new session of Grief Share tonight with the rest of our church's Wednesday evening programming, so we will start it in two weeks. I'm so thankful today for that decision.

I woke up thinking it's gonna be a good day. And, over all it IS. But, tears are just under the surface, and I've felt this 'yuk' in the pit of my stomach all day. Just sad. I'm just sad. But, because I've been here (remembering my baby on her birthday without her here to kiss and hug and talk with...) before--6 times now--I know the sadness only lasts a little while longer.

Soon, the girls will start laughing and memories will flood in on the emotions of it all, good memories...

God is still in His Heaven, and He is faithful and just and My Comfort and My Refuge and My Strength and My JOY!

For what ever reason, I'm to go on living, and I'm to go on spreading the Word!--Giving the 'reason' for the hope that I have!

The reason: Jesus. There's power in that Name!--And, I praise HIM for it!

So, this day's gonna get better...and Heaven is that much sweeter because of HOPE I have in Jesus!

It's January 10...It's January 10, 2010!!!

I know you already know what day it is...But January 10 is a significant day to me. Only me, really, but in the life of our family, it was pivotal 14 years ago!

On this day, 14 years ago, our family went from being the "All American Family: dad, mom, 2 kids and a dog" to a LARGE family of 6 and a dog. It was on this day, 14 years ago that I got to go to the hospital to pick up our new born baby twin girls. What a day that was! There was SO much snow on the drive to the hospital. The babies were so sweet, I fell instantly in love with them. And, brought them home in their little car/punkin' seats! The older girls were thrilled! They were 9 & 11 at the time, so the each had a new, real live, baby doll!!! It was a perfect set up actually, because I didn't have to recover from the birthing process, I felt great, and the girls were a huge help. Randy & I would get up for feedings, he'd do the bottles while I changed diapers and then we'd rock and sing to the babies til they were back to sleep. What an adventure!!!! What a blessing!!! What a change in our lives, forever.

I'm pretty sure my mom & sister thought we'd lost our minds! It didn't take long before they were just as much in love with the girls as we were! And, Randy's folks just loved babies, so that was not a problem for them, ever! Our church family went crazy at the time...we just showed up with these little babies! And, today they are still so very much fun! Hilarious, actually!

Because of the way the 'circle of life' goes in our family, they are aunts at this time in their lives, which is such a plus! They both love little kids, to a point, then they want to do their own stuff...but they do know a lot about little kids, and they do know how to laugh!

I'm excited about 2010. There's a lot to do this year, a lot to experience and a lot to accomplish for the kingdom of our God! Just as it was 14 years ago, I'm excited about the prospect of what God has in store for this time in my life! Just as I said back then, and it just keeps echoing through my days: Fasten Your Seat Belt, Marsh, it's the time of yOUR life!!! Enjoy, this great Adventure called LIFE!!!!

Looking forward, glancing back for just a moment...

Hmmmmmm.Did you have a Merry Christmas? It was wonderful here...quiet...a little slower paced than years past...but merry, indeed!

2010 will be here in a few short hours...I contemplate the New Year like a clean slate.--a fresh start, if you will, with a new journal and new pens (thanks, PC!) and a refreshed out look on life (thank You, Lord!)

Looking back over 2009, I can't believe all that has happened in our little 'corner of the world'! One of my goals for 2009 was to 'wait on the Lord'--to purpose not to become anxious. While I failed at this a lot of the time, it truly did make a difference as I look back because of the way things worked out. Waiting on Him, in His presence has made all the difference!--He is faithful!

January found the twins attending school in a 'temporary location' (at a local church) due to renovations for their middle school builidng. The girls became busy with gymnastics during this month. Holly started her 'last' semester at EIU. Randy & I began 'team meetings' for the Great Banquet.
By February, we were in 'full swing' with Bible studies and our second session of facilitating Grief Share. Randy & Holly began planning a vacation for us. Baby Ally, only two months old, got pneumonia and was in the hospital over Valentines' Day:( Madison & Mallory were by this time preparing for a recital, and loving it!
In March, Randy & I attended Great Banquet week ends, his for men, mine for women. What an experience! Mom & Jim got home from spending time in Florida for winter months! Holly began exploring options for post graduation ...and vacation plans were coming together for summer time!
In April, the Oil Belt Ladies' retreat, which was really a one day event happened. Lynn Reece from Louisville, KY spoke, and the day was just amazing. The team for this day was so fun to work with, and so faithful to honor God in their dealings! Randy & I celebrated our 28th wedding anniversary, which doesn't seem possible, til we consider the fact that we are, indeed, grandparents!
May, 2009 found us at Holly's graduation ceremony. I only cried when she walked in with her golden 'honor cords' around her neck..a goal since she was much younger! The twins gymnastics recital happened a couple of weeks later, and Holly moved home from school to spend the summer with us...and work at a local gym. Madi & Mal were glad to be out of school, too...and loved the fact that they could start enjoying the local city pool each day for swimming and working on that tan!
In June, the twins went to their first Jr High church camp experienceand LOVED IT!!! And, I got to teach in VBS!!!--God gave me such a gift in helpers, and the kids were amazing...good times! Also in June, we packed our bags to head south for vacation!
The five of us spent the week of July 4 in a condo in Destin, FL where we just enjoyed the beach and the sun and quiet! Didn't do a lot of the 'touristy' stuff...just relaxed!
In August, Randy & I attended a picnic to mark my 30th class reunion...fun to reconnect with old friends! Shortly after that, Randy packed up my car and moved Holly to Disney World...which seems fitting now that I think about it, 'professional vacationer' would be her father's career of choice...so, she's in a great place to vacation AND work! Madison & Mallory got to start school in their newly remodeled Middle School, and it truly IS gorgeous.
September started off great as we joined many good friends for our annual 'reunion' in Missouri for Labor Day week end! Alayna & Wes even joined us this year! Madison & Mallory decided they would like to join the basketball team.
In October, our oldest daughter celebrated her 25th birthday (that doesn't make me feel old at all:D) and our grandson, Will turned 4 years old, complete with pirate costuming! He continues to be such a delight...actually, hilarious! For those who live in our home, though, October found us attending practices, games, Bible studies, Grief Share and again, Great Banquet team meetings...the men's week end was the last full week end in October. The women's week end was the first full week end in November. What a difference these week ends make...truly an amazing amazing experience!
November was a busy month, anticipating holidays, and moving Holly home, and then, that sort of changed a little, as Holly decided to stay in Florida for now. Things stayed 'up in the air' for a little bit of time. (and, I'm sorry to say, I became very sad to consider the season without all our kids here) But, November became such a precious month in the life of our whole family, as Ally turned one year old, and our nephew married the woman of his dreams! Gorgeous wedding...and so much fun!
And, then December came. And with it, the sadness continued. Randy & I shared an amazing trip to shop for Christmas presents, which got me in the mood to wrap presents. We purposed to put up decorations, silently I didn't want to at all, but did it. As it turns out, a truly amazing thing happened...
I had 'put away' all the sentimental decorations after we lost Macy Jo. So, this year, on purpose, I got out those 'old, put away' things. Ornaments that have all our girls' 'baby pictures' on them, and ornaments they made when they were pre-schoolers...a bouquet of flowers from Holly's first birthday cake...a doll my grandma gave Alayna for herbfirst Christmas...we kept things really simple...
and then it happened...I decided to get out the old Santas. I forgot how friendly the family room gets with these 40 or 50 likenesses sitting around appropriately. I KNOW Santa isn't the reason for the season. I know this, but something about the red fur and the white beard and rosy cheeks just make me smile!--And, feel like I'm finally 'home' in our own HOME!!!-- A really good 'new normal', and isn't that always the goal? Contentment in our 'new normal'?--Change is the only constant in this world... but, it truly was a Merry Christmas...indeed!

The Journey Continues...and is almost Complete!

In more ways than one, the Journey is almost complete. This year, if you are a 'reader of this blog' this is NOT news, our church has taken the Journey through the New Testament as a congregation!

And, so, our 'reading together' time is almost finished. We are a little over 1/2 way finished with Revelation (the last book in the New Testament) and the year ends in roughly 11 days. And, so those are the 'more than one way' that the Journey is almost complete.

Of course, life's journey isn't over, and even when we pass to eternity, it's only begun! The journey through God's Word is a never-ending journey, as well. I firmly believe that it is impossible to 'love God with all your heart mind soul & strength' and ignore His word to us...it must be as life-blood to us, as believers!

As we've drawn closer to the end of the book this December, I've had a lot of questions. Mostly about my own ability to understand and apply what I'm reading in the book of Revelation. I would have to admit that I've often thought of that portion of scripture with an anxiousness....too complicated, too shrouded in imagery and numbers and signs, too lofty, too many details and too hard to understand are among the reasons I've quietly side-stepped the 'book' before now.

Along with choosing to take the Journey this year, I also have been teaching in our Sunday school class from the portion of scripture reading we do each week. To find myself approaching the Book of Revelation was no small matter for me. Only a LOT intimidating. I'm not going to offer some long theological explanation for what I've found there. However, I will share with you what I've discovered, and this with the help of a Faithful, Loving Heavenly Father!

The book of Revelation is a book about how to worship an eternal, Holy God! It is a glimpse of what the actual end will look like. It gives us not only hope, because we belong to God, but it also gives us the very reason that people shy away from it. (too hard to understand, too complicated, too many images, etc., etc., etc.) I honestly believe that Satan uses those excuses to keep us from reading it--to keep us from attaining the blessing that is promised to those who read the words contained there. He also knows that he will be defeated, and that truth is explicitly depicted there...we, who belong to Jesus, have absolutely nothing to fear. Fear, however, is one of Satan's greatest tools for tripping up those who proclaim Christ. If he can keep us from opening up God's Word, and in particular, the book of Revelation, that helps him succeed in seperating us from truth.

The book talks about 'those that overcome'...to be an 'overcomer' we must:
Accept the gift of salvation from the sacrifice that Christ made by dying on the cross
Live out the truth of God's Word (that means reading it and applying it to our lives!)
Daily sacrifice our own will for the Will of Christ...

Let's be found faithful! Faithful to God's word, all of it!

It's Beginning to Look a LOT like Christmas!

Christmas season.

This one has been difficult for me...if you've had an 'in person' conversation with me, this isn't 'news'! It's true, I've been whining a lot during the past couple of weeks. For that, I'm really sorry. And, if you've listened to my lament, please accept my apologies!

As always, things are 'going to be OK'! And, I do mean OK!!

The tree is up, presents are bought & wrapped...decorations are 'up'...dining room table is 'set'! I decided at the last minute to put out the Santas we used to collect and display every Christmas. They came out and livened up the family room nicely. I've forgotten how much I love having them out! Each face is so different...jolly, happy, smiles! Some are old, to the point of being tacky our older girls say, but each one is special in some way!

The days leading up to December 25 hold a variety of activities, celebrations, moments for remembering, and moments to make new memories...as I think about these opportunities to celebrate the birth of our Savior, I get really excited.

Sure, this year is going to be different in many ways, the biggest is that our immediate family will not be all together on Christmas. This is hard to take, but in my heart of hearts, I know that it is 'as it should be'...

The bottom line is:

• we are parents of four living children
• this holiday season will eventually be our new normal
• our children will grow in to lives of their own & establish their own traditions

With these in mind, I've decided that I am responsible to make each Christmas a 'good memory' for me and those around me!

Soon enough, Christmas 2009, will be a memory! Lord willing, I want to remember it as a Holiday that God blessed our family with health, and a time that we were able to focus on truly celebrating Jesus --Our Savior!

--Salvation and the peace of God, what a gift!

An Early Christmas Season Perspective...

And SO...let the changes begin!

Now that Christmas shopping for me has officially begun and is about 98% complete, now it's time to work on my attitude about decorating! Randy & I have done a great job, over the years, perfecting our Christmas shopping routine. He's great to shop with! (a blessing I do NOT take lightly OR for granted!--most women I know prefer to shop with their friends not their husbands--YIKES!) He knows & accommodates my love for Christmas decorations, cheesecake and getting LOST in book stores...and at the end of the day, he's chosen a great place for us to stay!--I'm truly blessed!

Rand is great, he helps me not only decide what to purchase, but where, and in what sequence to get the best 'deals' and 'lightest crowd'...and we get to laugh at truly random things! He thinks of random questions that I don't consider, like: does this take batteries, and, if so, how many? And, an added bonus: he's not afraid to ask if a bigger discount is available--and sometimes has surprising results from asking! His motto: You never know, unless you ASK!

And, so, because we've shopped together, he also appreciates my 'rush' to get everything wrapped! This is truly the first year, ever, that on December 7, the shopping is pretty much done, pretty much wrapped, and not one ornament or one string of lights have been hung in our house...the tree is quietly still at rest in its beautiful green & red box in the storage room...

Tomorrow evening, the twins & I have planned our 'attack' on that! It'll take a while, but we're up for it, we've decided! The excitement is building...after the tree, I'll need to consider the Christmas cards...send? OR not send? The movie 'Christmas with the Krank's' was truly a pivotal movie for us to watch in 2004...the movie adaptation to John Grisham's 'Skipping Christmas'...hilarious! But, he makes a valid point in that book/movie about Christmas cards. Hmmmmm, we'll see, though, because we've already received several...and so, I better get busy if there are going to be some go 'out' from here!

Yesterday Randy, our oldest daughter & her husband and I toured local homes for the Christmas Tour of Homes in our town. It was a fund raiser for our local hospital foundation...it was also a very good way to start the month of December! The homes were decorated very beautifully, all within walking distance of the next...and down town businesses were open! I've always thought that our local coffee shop, Ophelia's Cup, should be open on Sunday afternoons for coffee treats & cake/pie or cookies...WHAT a great treat that they were open! Our family had a great time there--it's cozy and just a great place to 'be'!

There are a lot of things 'happening' around town that are Christmas Season related! I would like to continue to stay focused, though, on the real reason we have to celebrate: The God of Abraham, Isaac & Jacob, the God of the Universe, the Creator of the World...sent His One & Only Son, Jesus...a perfect gift...the ONLY gift we really need: A Savior...How precious! What an act of LOVE! Celebrate Him!

Be about the business of change...

Sitting here, laughing our heads off watching a 20 year old Christmas movie...it's become a tradition...and we quote it throughout the year, because we think it's hysterical! Shallow? Yes. But, sometimes, it's important just to laugh! And, laugh a lot! It MUST be December!

I'm having a little trouble putting up our decorations this year. First time this has ever happened to me...time is sort of an issue, but desire is also playing a part in the 'delay'! I can't ever remember a year that I've had so little desire to decorate for Christmas. I love the holiday...but some how, it's lost it's sparkle for me.

Don't worry: I've been praying about this...AND, my husband & I are going to go shopping for presents tomorrow...that may just do it! --Ignite the spark that it'll take for me to come back home, decorate & wrap presents...I LOVE the wrapping...love it!--the wrapping builds anticipation!

Our nephew did get married last week end. Congratulations: Jean & Dane. They had a gorgeous wedding, and seemed to enjoy every moment! They'll be back from their Honeymoon soon! Then, they'll need to be about the business of building their lives together.! These are exciting days!

We have friends who, just yesterday, gave birth to their fourth child! Soon, the hospital stay will be finished, and they'll need to be about the business of building their new lives as a 'large' family together!

And, so, I'm thinking the lesson for me from both these situations is this: after the shopping excursion with my husband tomorrow, I'm going to come home, and be about the business of celebrating the Season...the traditional season when we celebrate the fact that God sent His Son, Jesus Christ in to the world...so that we could be reconciled to Him. Nothing like it!